Berlin
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SATURDAY
i’m sitting in the hotel while my dad is sleeping away. It’s midnight right now.
I FOUND SOME GOOD LUCK! IN THE FORM OF AMBER PAOLOEMILLIO!! She happened to be in Berlin the same time I am. And I went out from 8:00 - midnight with her. If she wasn’t here I would’ve just been in the hotel while my dad sleeps.
The trip is going alright. The people are so kind and helpful here. I was right though, this trip will be one of reflection; my dad has yet to say more than 10 words to me. Tomorrow we will be biking for more than six hours…I’m not sure how that is going to go.
I want to meet up with Amber again and go on a walking tour but my dad isn’t really interested. This trip is entirely what he wants to do. I asked him if we could tour a concentration camp and he flat out said no.
All well. I need more alcohol. Miss you! - SUNDAY
My dad and I went out biking all morning and ended up getting lost in Berlin. He was in search of “Stradler” the largest bike store in Berlin. I thought it was pretty boring, but of course that’s me. I think spent eight hours with Amber! Her friends who were also studying abroad Matt, Natalie, and Sarah were with her as well. We went out to what we thought was going to be a nice beer garden. Well two metros later on the S it proved to be in the ghetto. There was a giant “FUCK YUPPIES” sign graffiti-ed on the steps of the garden. I ordered a beer with raspberry in it. Very good beer! We ordered dinner there as well, I got the schnitzel with white asparagus. Very good (except not the asparagus, Amber was right I didn’t like it)! I split the meal with Natalie. We then got dessert which was Magnum white chocolate ice cream. Very good as well! Then Amber and Natalie both walked me back to my hotel. - MONDAY
My dad and I again went out biking all day. We went through the tiergarten and around Berlin. We didn’t really have a set destination, just biking through the garden. Again, I met up with Amber in the evening. We went to her dingy crush house where she was staying originally, or I should say “couch surfing.” It was three U metros and and S train out of Berlin, along with a hefty walk. It was in the ghetto and pretty gringy. We packed up her stuff and brought it back to the city so she could stay in the hostel with the rest of her friends. At night we went out with the rest of the students she’s studying abroad with Martin, Ian, Rolly, Natalie, Sarah, and Matt. They were all a blast. And very welcoming to me joining in on their group. I was perhaps too appreciative! We went out to a Singapore restaurant and I ordered the number “59.” Amber and I also ordered a cocktail called “Swimming Pool,” how fitting?!! The alcohol was pretty strong and I felt a little tipsy just after that. The food was nice, the people were very nice. I also thought Ian was adorable…all well. Then we went out and got ice-cream for 1 euro! What a steal. This was sadly my last night with Amber. Those three days went by way too fast! We hung out for a few more hours at their hostel drinking a bit more. Then Sarah and Amber walked me for the last time back to my hotel. It was sad to see them go. - TUESDAY
I woke up and rode my bike down to the Brandenburg Gate FINALLY doing the free walking tour that I wanted to do for the past three days. I went by myself because my dad wasn’t interested in going. We toured for almost 4 hours and it was really nice. My tour guide was from New Castle, Australia! Crazy! Australia is popping up everywhere for me. My favorite part was seeing the unmarked memorial for the fall Jews. Or seeing what was left of the Berlin Wall. Surprisingly it wasn’t that imposing; I always imagined something on par with the Great Wall of China. I met three people on the tour also traveling alone and they invited me to go out to a club tonight but my dad did not let that fly. Which was fine, I came back to the hotel and took a nap for about an hour. My dad and I then went to the grocery store and picked up a few more things. By the time we started to get hungry all of the restaurants were closed (it was only 9:30) because of May Day. So I ordered a chicken ceaser salad in the hotel lobby.
Thinking like this im going to drive myself mad. I’m making myself sick i just might puke. I should be alone.
Forever alone is what I deserve.
time to part ways
i’m going to go crazy if i’m not already crazy
I’m hurting myself and turning myself into a person no one could ever love. WHY DO I GO CRAZY? LIKE WHY DO I GET MAD AT YOU FOR NO REASON. I KNOW YOU’RE PERFECT (IN SOME WAYS) YET I CAN’T HELP BUT GET MAD AT YOU. MAYBE IT’S THE OLD YOU I’M STILL MAD AT AND I CAN’T FIX THAT. EVERYTHING I’M UPSET ABOUT IS OUT OF MY CONTROL. SO DO I JUST LIVE WITH IT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST OR END IT AND GET THE BEST WITH SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT AWAY. BUT THAT’S NOT YOU. IN THE MEAN TIME I’M CRAZY AND IF I DON’T BREAK UP WITH YOU SOON OR STOP GOING CRAZY YOU’RE GOING TO END IT WITH ME BECAUSE I’M CRAZY.
Idk why this ended up in all caps. idk why i’m so mad. this is just a journal entry that made no sense. I just wrote the worst 750 word paper on 9/11. Goodnight, class @ 9
A Breath of Fresh Air
I stopped by the writing center today at Valencia to have my annotated bibliography proofread. A professor named Mr. Miller read my work and loved everything I had written. He called me “Ms. Clarity” the entire time because my work was so clear and precise. After reading my first sentence he stopped and asked me if I went to private school and I told him no, I’m still in high school. So he asked, “Okay are you in private school?” When I told him I went to Gateway he was shocked “they don’t have a good writing department at all-at least if you’re not in the IB department.” Professor Miller said I had a natural talent and was very glad I stopped by his office.
I hope I can go back to his office in February to tell him I was accepted to the University of Florida.
What did I expect?
Of course I’m about to have another night in. Why would anything be different? I got ready, did my hair, spent too much time picking out an outfit only to not go out to dinner and not go see a movie. Nice being here.
what am i even saying
it’s too late for this. gonna step outside, smoke this now, and call it a night.
It’s really cool that Thamara stopped following me on Twitter. Really, she has this thing for Michael that fucking PISSES ME OFF and the bitch needs to back up/
The best age is 22
I’m still trying to figure out which way is “up”
In the mean time I’m going to continue with this mediocre life getting mediocre grades. I think my self esteem has vanished yet again. I don’t feel smart enough the majority of the time. I surround myself with people that know more about life simply because their older. None of this is making any sense and neither am I right now.
I wish I could go back to the beginning of the semester and change a lot of things.
he’s too old for me
He’s about to graduate from college and and I’m about to graduate high school. We are in two really different points in our lives. He knows what he wants and is about to start a career. I, on the other hand, don’t even know which way is up. How can we be together? Our priories are so different. Why should we be together now if we’re going to break up by the time I leave for college. I’m simply wasting my time and my emotions by putting anything more into this relationship. It’ll hurt a lot more to end this relationship if I wait until it’s the very end. Why should I wait? I think ending it now would cause a lot less heartache in the end. I want to protect myself and I don’t want to get more hurt later on. In no way do I see this working out in August 2012. I think the sooner the better. Even though I’m happy now and nothing is wrong there is no point putting off the inevitable. Why should I build up more emotions towards this guy when we’re going to end it in a few months?
I’m young. And I hate to use my mother’s words but “he’s too old for me.”
it’s been forever
since I’ve looked at my tumblr.
I reread all of my posts and it made me think “WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN MY HEAD TWO YEARS AGO?!”
I’ve grown up in so many ways. I’m now just beginning to figure out who I am. I hope I continue to make many strides forward and two years from now I look at this post and think “”WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN MY HEAD TWO YEARS AGO?!”
